Buried in the Federal budget and lost in the SNC Lavalin scandal was a pilot program to begin banning all consumption in certain parts of Canada. Eastern Ontario along with 10 other regions in Canada have been selected for an all out ban on animal based protein.
Citing the huge amounts of greenhouse gases expelled by cows, pigs and chickens, the new pilot program will come into effect on June 1st and will ban all meat replacing it with plant based meat alternatives. Federal ministry officials are gearing up to begin confiscating any and all meat products in Eastern Ontario. They do however plan on giving out bags of Soy Tofu to replace the meat products taken away. In a short press release the ministry states “We all know that cow farts are the reason the glaciers are disappearing.”
Local farmers and meat lovers are up in arms. Darren Jacobs (local farmer and meat lover) was inconsolable as he hugged his cow that he had lovingly named “shortrib” and was hoping to have ready for the freezer at the end of May. “looks like I have a pet now”, muttered Jacobs. He has vowed to fight the ban as have other meat producers who have formed a new protest group called “CAT” short form for Cows Are Tasty.
Dimitrius Lirpaloof with the protection group PEDA (People for the Ethical Destruction of Animals) calls it a victory for animals everywhere. “We look forward to a time where the cows, pigs and chickens can just roam free, no longer fearful for their lives.”